No matter how long you have been in a relationship with your spouse, hurting their self-esteem is unhealthy for your relationship. You don’t talk to your spouse anyhow and expect them to yield to your demands. You don’t belittle your spouse and expect them to be happy. You don’t call them names whenever you are angry and still expect your relationship to be fine. Things don’t work that way.
By Alice Tagwira
How do you treat your partner? How do you talk to them? How do you handle issues affecting them? Do you even listen when they are talking? Do you bark orders at your spouse? Do you belittle your spouse? Do you body shame them? Do you allow your family and friends to insult your spouse whenever they feel like it? Do you wave aside your partner’s suggestions and dismiss their fears?
All these things affect your spouse’s self-esteem and it will ultimately rub off on your relationship wrongly. There will be anger and resentment festering till things blow out of proportion if things don’t change.
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| Alice Tagwira: Stop Hurting Your Partner |
Make sure you are not hurting your partner's self-esteem with your words and actions. Don’t say that they should suck it in, your spouse will explode one day and it won’t be good for both of you.
Looking at your phone when your partner is talking, and generally looking disinterested are also ways you could be subtly sending signals that come across as "I don't care" or "stop talking" or worse. Be mindful of your body language. You shouldn’t be treating your spouse like trash.
Making all the decisions and informing your spouse about it, later on, is not right. Some men are fond of this. They don’t carry their wives along when making decisions about important things.
If you make all the decisions, just because that's what you do, you could be sending the message that your partner doesn't make good decisions, isn't smart enough to make the right decisions, or has opinions that don't matter.
Always questioning your spouse’s decisions is not good for your relationship. When one partner always questions the choices of the other, that partner can start to think that they are not capable of making good choices.
Interrupting your spouse when they are talking makes them feel like what they have to say isn't important. If this keeps happening in your marriage, your spouse could recoil and stop talking because there’s no point for them to continue.
Avoid jokes that reduce your partner’s self-esteem. If you need to use a bad joke that insults your partner to get your message across, then you need to work on your communication skills because when it happens too often, it starts to negatively impact your partner's self-esteem.
You should be your partner’s cheerleader and not expose their weaknesses to the world without talking to them first about it. If you are fond of this, you are disrespecting your partner. You need to stop shaming your spouse. Your marriage doesn’t need that.
Being lazy about things that matter to your partner, whether it's about chores when you promised you would help or about being a more affectionate, attentive partner, sends the message that your partner and their needs are not worth your effort. It can be a big blow to their self-esteem.
When you won't compromise about issues, do something your partner wants to do, or put your relationship first, you are sending a message that your partner isn't worth your efforts. It makes your partner feel like they are low on your priority list. Saying no to every idea your partner has is not encouraging or supportive, and that can damage their self-esteem. For your spouse, months and years of hearing no every time they suggest something to you might make them resentful towards you.
If you go behind your partner and re-check or re-do everything they just did, you are sending the message that they don't ever do things right. It is okay to double-check things once in a while, especially if there's a safety issue at hand, but if the job is good enough, there's no need to undermine your partner's efforts.
Dear married people, stop hurting your spouses.
Have a wonderful and blessed day. Amen.
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