Hello there servants of God. This one is especially for pastors so please do me a favour by SENDING IT TO EVERY PASTOR YOU KNOW.
Church leaders, in general, and ministry founders together with people in high places of leadership are sometimes hard to handle. Having been in ministry and leading many pastors inside and outside of our ministry I have picked a number of complaints that pastors wives have on their husbands.
By Bishop Apostle Pride Sibiya (with help from Pastor Anna Tendayi Chiweshe Sibiya)
As you read, please do know that this article is not here to shame any man or woman of God but to humbly help all of us, I included, to help strengthen our marriages which in-turn bolsters our ministries. I say this boldly because over the years I have also burnt my fingers and it took more mature fathers and mothers to help me out. Here are a few complaints:
1. "My husband is more concerned about the ministry that me and the kids. He invests almost all of his time and financial resources there so much we all feel neglected."
Solution: Try to invest more quality time in your family.1 Timothy 5:8 says "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Taking care is not just physical needs but also emotional, psychological, spiritual, et.al. Know that ultimately when all glamour and gifts have waned down, only your family will bathe you! Please do not forsake your wife because of Someone's wife, THE CHURCH IS CHRIST'S WIFE, NOT YOURS, YOU HAVE YOURS, take care of your wife first then His!
2. "He listens very closely to the members at church even when they speak their problems but not good at listening to me and the children."
Solution: Eli and Samuel (1 Samuel) were both great servants of God whose ministries were tainted by failure in the family. They did not give attention to family and stayed all their lives by the temple and whilst anointed lost their families to Satan. Do not let your children go to hell while you are leading millions to success and heaven. Your home is your first ministry, better get an "amen" first at home before on the pulpit!
3. "Every time we discuss at home or have an argument he silences my contributions saying, "I am a man of God," so I have decided not to say anything."
Solution: May we, men of God, understand that we are not just pastors but are also fathers. Fathers nurture and groom while also listening to others. We are just men of God and yet God Himself man times listens to us and changes His mind after we petition Him in prayer. He did so with Moses (Exodus 32:13-14) and many others. Also remember, the fact that you are anointed does not mean you have the best wisdom, your wife was not sent by Satan against you, she is your helper!
4. "My husband beats me like a dog..."
Solution: The urge to beat up people does not go away because you are now a man of God. It goes because you deal with anger issues. Many ministers have never dealt with these issues. Find help from mature people on this and have self-control otherwise; "In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church." (Ephesians 5:28-29).
5. "My husband sacrifices more to the church in terms of finances at home its all I do not have the money yet at church large figures are given.
Solution: Refer to the solution for Number 1.
6. "Counsels the opposite sex alone to the point of them entering our matrimony home for counselling in the bedroom."
Solution: It is always wise to do your counselling sessions with your wife. All men of God are anointed enough to deal with Satan and therefore the bible tells us to resist the Devil...but never sexual sin! "Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body." (1 Corinthians 6:18). Be a Joseph not a David, in this issue! Be careful, also of spending more time with female ministers alone, lust is no respecter of anointing, ziso rinongoona baba zvisinei nekuzodzwa kwenyu, be careful!
7. "Our home has no privacy because all our disputes are addressed on the pulpit everyone knows our personal issues. He openly embarrasses me publicly."
Solution: We all have a godly ego to protect. Your wife is also a human being and deserves privacy of her weaknesses, her shortcomings, and her troubles. speaking your issues publicly, initially, makes people lose the respect of her and, maybe, sympathize with you, but with time, you will lose their respect for being immature. shut the door on your marriage: "|And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut" (Matthew 25:10).
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| Fathers' House: Complains Of Pastors Wives On Spouses |
Solution: Please know that your wife carries grace to help you. I always say that my wife is more powerful than me because she is the only person who sees my tears about the ministry and can pastor me in that regard. Women are more intuitive than men and can pick funny things even more than prophets, listen. Your wife is not your adversary, she is your helper, a grace-carrier in your life: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22).
9. "My husband can spend a month sleeping on the couch especially when we have disagreements. No talking or intimacy at all, guys I am also human and I need love. When I ask, he says, that, he is seeking God's face."
Solution: My friends, no matter how much you are bored do not release your wife and family to Satan by being overly angry for days: Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath (Ephesians 4:26). See the devil in all of this and develop your wife in love than in bitterness and rage...that is what Christ does with his wife, Church! You should never deny your wife intimacy because that body belongs to her: "Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
10. "I have lost all affection with my pastor-husband. He cheats even with church members. I have had an S.T.I before."
Solution: There is need for all of us to submit to the Holy Spirit not just for demonstrative power(miracles) but also for transformative power(character). He will give us the fruit of self-control otherwise we would go hey-wire. However we also then need help from spiritual parents. Some of these things need deliverance...yes servants of God, many times need deliverance too from such family, bloodline, generational aspects of adultery apart from self-control! "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. Blows and disgrace are his lot, and his shame will never be wiped away." (Proverbs 6:28-29,32-33).
11. "My husband is not transparent about everything. I suspect he is cheating. He has money but he says he has nothing all the time even when his many relatives come and stay without any contribution. he does money deals with church people and I end up paying for him. he speaks to different ladies on his phone. He says I should not speak to anyone about this including our spiritual parents. When I took the issue to them, he even lied before them. I am hurt."
Solution: When you submit to a spiritual authority open everything about your life and be willing to be corrected even when it hurts. Whilst every believer in Lystra and Iconimiun praise Timothy, Paul saw an area that needed to be corrected so his ministry would be acceptable: "The believers at Lystra and Iconium spoke well of him. Paul wanted to take him along on the journey, so he circumcised him. "(Acts 16:2-3)
12."Mufundisi, help us, no fun at all. We are already old at 28..."
Solution: The pastor needs time to have fun with the family as long as the fun is not ungodly. I have realized my wife likes it when we go to watch a godly movie, go out, holiday together and even play games...guys, girls just want to have fun. Continual anger does not denote holiness, it denotes a weakness of character. Life is too short to live angrily with your wife: "Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil." (Ecclesiastes 9:9)
Please allow God to work in your marriage and ministry. I see a strong marriage, I see a mega ministry that God will use you and your wife to build. Be strong and courageous.
Bishop Apostle Pride Sibiya
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| Bishop Pride Sibiya and Pastor Anna Tendayi Chiweshe Sibiya |
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