About 2 months ago, I read a story a guy shared about his friend that just got married. This his friend confided in him that he's tired of his marriage and wife.
This is just a six months old marriage that they are supposed to be on fire, still consummating their marriage to maximum satisfaction but he's already tired. I'm sure the wife too is tired.
This is the point in marriage where people begin to think that they've made a mistake, that they've married the wrong person, or that their once upon a time guy who used to be fun to be with is no longer fun etc.
This is also the point in marriage where the possibility of cheating can set in if the couple is not careful. The husband will begin to look for a new experience in the bosom of another lady. The wife too will begin to give in to some of shameless guys that have been disturbing her even though they knew she's married. And this is how they will continue until their marriage fails. However, always be strong, hold on because any decision to cheat becomes disastrous later. Fear God and decide to stay true to Him even if its not for your spouse.
This is the point where loving becomes hard, more of a decision than feelings. I often define love as strong feeling for someone and also a decision to stick with the person.
Usually, at the beginning the feeling is there but it will get to a point where it seems to vanish into the thin air.
This is the point where decision to stick with the person in spite of lack of feeling comes to play.
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| 8 Cures To Boring Marriage |
What are the causes of this tiredness in marriage?
1. See Finish
This is a situation where the value, love, satisfaction, attraction, and excitement you used to have for or derive from your partner tends to reduce over time because there's nothing more to it, there's nothing new again.
You've seen and done almost everything. You've seen your partner's nakedness, curves, contours, shape and size, spots and wrinkles etc., and have even done almost everything with your partner, you've sexed, kissed, hugged, romanced etc. So, nothing eye never see and hand never touch, that kind of feeling.
2. The Law Of Diminishing Marginal Utility
This is an economic term and it it states that the more and more you consume a particular product, the satisfaction you get from consuming that product will increase at first, but it will get to a point that, as you continue to consume more and more of that product, the level of satisfaction you get, will reduce.
When people newly get married, they're on fire, they can't get enough of each other, they look forward to a great sex time but a year or more down the line, the fire begins to go down. This is the law that's at work.
Maybe you are at this point in your marriage or relationship, just like the guy above, there's hope for you. Here's things to to do to rekindle that fire again..
1. Give Each Other Space
For your partner not to so get used to you that your presence doesn't make any much difference to him or her again, for you not choke him or her up with your presence you must learn to give each other space. Take time to be alone as often as possible.
You have a personal goals you want to achieve, take time at times to give them attention. Hang out with your friends, spend the weekend at times in your respective families. Just give each other space, a breathing space.
2. Miss Each Other
It's not all the time you should call, visit, text, or chat Sometimes, make your partner to miss you. Scarcity creates value. Surplus brings down the value of goods. This has to be necessary though and always seen in the correct light and for a small season because unwise separation can lead to the destruction of any marriage.
3. Cover up
As a wife, learn to cover up at times. Leave some things for your husband to imagine. Let him imagine what the size and shape of your body are like. Don't walk around naked all the time. Get varieties of hot stay at home clothes that will drive him nuts. Don't be the type that wears wrapper up and down. You and who is doing that one? This also applies to the husband.
4. Start All Over Again
After you guys have settled down to start marriage proper, start all over again. Date each other again. Court each other again. Woo and toast your wife again. Play hard to get again. Do the stuff you guys use to do while unmarried. Eat out. Hang out. Attend functions together. Go to cinema, beach etc.
5. Spice Up Your Sex Life
Sex doesn't have to be in one location, bedroom nor one position, missionary. Spice it up. Different locations, sitting room, bathroom, passage, dining table, kitchen and different position. You know what I'm talking about.
6. Make A Decision To Stick With Your Partner
Like I said before, love is not all about having great feelings, but a decision too. When the feelings are no longer there, that's when you need to make a decision to keep loving. Marriage is an act of the will for any meaningful to happen in it, you must intentional about it.
7. Go On A Vacation If You Can.
Go and experience something new together with your partner. It helps. Vacation doesn't have to be outside the country, it can be in another state within the country. Visit some recreational centers to unwind with your partner. By the way, maAfrica, going to your village, ekhaya is not a vacation!
8. Pray For Fresh Wine In Your Marriage.
People cheats mostly because they're tired of their marriages and partners. Nothing is new again. Nothing excites them. No love, attraction, excitement for their partner again.
In time like this, you need to pray for a new wine in your marriage. Father, let the love, attraction, excitement be rekindled again in my marriage! Pray! Let me stop here, in whatever you do, don't over do and don't under do. Too much of everything is not good. In all you do, make your marriage work!
Thanks for reading.
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