This issue is very critical. When people enter into marriages they always have preconceived ideas of what their spouse should be like. Some of these notions are shaped by our backgrounds, education, friends, relations, and especially the media.
We expect someone who never falls short of being “perfect” according to our expectations. I used to think I wanted a woman who wakes up at four for prayers and Bible study, do my morning preparations, set me off to work, herself go to work, be able to help the kids with homework while she cooks, would be the best cook, be strong enough for sex after some evening church services. She would be the best spiritual mother, knowing every scripture in the Bible, knowing how to counsel every problem, and never be downcast, or low in her emotions or spiritually, never gets angry or shout at me.
She would be friends with my mother and sisters and everyone would see that I am a blessed man. To say the truth, “the real spouse that you would expect to marry, who is 100% to your expectations, your real man/woman, the real Mr/Miss Right is existent, but only in fantasyland.” Men usually love their mothers and model their wives after them, whilst women also deeply feel for their fathers therefore expect their husbands to be like their fathers especially if they were loving and caring. Some model their spouses after their respected celebrities or role models in life and this must change. Your spouse is not anyone else and should be respected as an independent though interdependent human being. So how do we solve these things?
If you are already married work out yourselves and begin by accepting your spouse then go on to change some of your expectations. Start by changing yourself. If you are married or not married you can also add this: there are what we call negotiable and non negotiable. Negotiable are things that you really do not like but you know that these you can decide to live with, maybe like they snore. Just accept these. There are what we call non-negotiables. For me these are things that the gospel clearly spells out against like I could not marry someone who is not a Christian.
Please Read Part 3
By Apostle Pride Sibiya
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If you are already married work out yourselves and begin by accepting your spouse then go on to change some of your expectations. Start by changing yourself. If you are married or not married you can also add this: there are what we call negotiable and non negotiable. Negotiable are things that you really do not like but you know that these you can decide to live with, maybe like they snore. Just accept these. There are what we call non-negotiables. For me these are things that the gospel clearly spells out against like I could not marry someone who is not a Christian.
Please Read Part 3
By Apostle Pride Sibiya
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