Monday, 23 July 2018

The Lessons That I Have Learned In 30 Years Of Marriage - Pastor Berry Dambaza Speaks (Part 1)

In 30 years of marriage, I have learnt quite a lot of lessons. I will give you just a few of those lessons in point form.


1. GIVE THE LORD HIS PLACE IN YOUR MARRIAGE: Except the Lord build the house,they labour in vain that build it (a). Psalm 127:1 Let the Lord be the main builder of your marriage otherwise you may end up labouring in vain. For sure each partner in the marriage has their unique part to play. However our Trust and dependence must be in the Lord.

Surrender your relationship to the Lord and let him rule in your relationship. Let him have the last word where you and your spouse are not agreeing. In simple words let him be the Lord of your marriage. Why do you call me, Lord, Lord and do not what I say? (Luke 6:46) It’s either he is Lord of your marriage or he is not Lord at all! But when he is Lord, you are destined to go all the way!

2. STICK TO YOUR MARRIAGE VOWS: Most marriages are held by the vows people have made before the Lord and witnesses. Be a man and woman of your words. Say what you mean and mean what you say!

When thou make a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools. Pay that which thou hast vowed. Better thou shoulders not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay. Suffer not thy mouth to cause you to sin; neither say thou before the angel that it was an error: wherefore should God be angry at thy voice and destroy the work of thine hands? (Ecclesiastes 5:4-6) 

This is one of the reasons why it’s wrong to divorce. Breaking a vow or a promise is a sin.

Jephthah made a vow and when that vow was severely tested he said I have opened my mouth unto the Lord and I CAN NOT GO BACK! (Judges 11:35). 

You can not go back on your marriage vows that you have uttered unto the Lord and before the witnesses that witnessed your marriage union. And don’t rationalise! Where are the men and women of their word? Just ensure you are among them!

3. LET THE FEAR OF THE LORD BE PREEMINENT IN YOUR MARRIAGE: (Ephesians 5:21) In marriage it’s so easy to win an argument and lose the person. Find ways to have a win win situation by the fear of the Lord for the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. (Psalm 9:10)
A lot of challenges that we encounter as couples can be resolved through wisdom. 

And wisdom is accessible to you and me. If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth liberally (abundantly), and it shall be given him (or her). (James 1:5) We need wisdom in dealing with our spouse. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.(Proverbs 4:7).
The Lessons That I Have Learned In 30 Years Of Marriage - Pastor Berry Dambaza Speaks (Part 1)
Above all and before all, do this; Get wisdom! Write this at the top of your list: Get understanding!(Proverbs 4:7) MSG Bible. How many really do this? Wisdom is one of the most important ingredients of a thriving marriage. With all that you have, acquire wisdom!

4. DO NOT BECOME WEARY! Sometimes marital problems can pose real challenges that may stretch us to our limits. But never give up and don’t entertain the idea that divorce is an option. Don’t become weary in well doing. I don’t want to pretend that it has been a walk in the park with us because it has not been a walk in the park! 

We have had to deal with various challenges normally assail marriages. In Matthew 7:24-27 the wind, the storms and the floods hit both houses that Jesus spoke about. But what made the other fall and the other stand was the kind of foundation that each house was built upon. Build your marriage on the solid foundation of the Word of God.

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (Galatians 6:9) Don’t give if when giving up seems like the best option! Keep on doing the good that you are supposed to do. Patience is a powerful virtue that we must all cultivate! It’s not everything that works instantly. Some things take time!

5. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SEEK COUNSEL FROM SEASONED MARRIAGE COUNSELORS WHEN ITS APPARENT THAT YOU NEED THEIR SERVICES: Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. (Proverbs 11:14)
For some couples there comes a time that they may need the services of a marriage counsellor or counsellors. Intimate issues of this nature aught to be kept confidential. Some couples have experienced breaches of confidentiality and have ended up despising the services of marriage counsellors altogether! Seek credible counsellors with a good track record.

Lack of counselling when it is needed may result in a failed marriage. If you find yourself in need of counselling I counsel you to avail yourselves for it. People who are specialised in counselling couples are still needed. It is in counselling that certain facts are laid bare in order to come out with a win win situation.

Any enterprise is built by wise planning,becomes strong through common sense and profits wonderfully by keeping abreast of the fact. (Proverbs 24:3 The Living Bible) In counselling these facts sometimes become available this bringing the desired tranquillity.

6. DIVORCEES NEED HELP: Some couples have ended up divorcing due to a number of reasons. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh. (Ephesians 5:31)
When a couple divorce, there are no winners. The joining of wife and husband is like joining two pieces of paper with glue. Separating the two papers tears both. Divorce can be quite devastating and sometimes the stigma that one carries over this very matter can be a very heavy burden. It is for this reason that divorcees must be ministered unto with understanding. Some of the divorces can be quite acrimonious involving all sorts of issues that often leave some people stressed up and messed up.

The impact can be quite unsettling so much that we really need to understand that these people need help instead of condemnation. For sure we don’t condone divorce but when it occurs there is need not to be judgemental but to be more understanding.

There are couples who divorced who ended up remarried through counselling.

We need to Minister grace to those who have been through divorce and help them cope with their situation and offer the hope that they need in life. Some never recover. Let help be availed to those who have gone through divorce as these people have a lot of needs that are often overlooked.

From The Same Author:

The Lessons That I Have Learned In 30 Years Of Marriage - Pastor Berry Dambaza Speaks (Part 2)
The Lessons That I Have Learned In 30 Years Of Marriage - Pastor Berry Dambaza Speaks (Part 3)
The Lessons That I Have Learned In 30 Years Of Marriage - Pastor Berry Dambaza Speaks (Part 4)
The Lessons That I Have Learned In 30 Years Of Marriage - Pastor Berry Dambaza Speaks (Part 5)

Berry Dambaza is a dynamic power packed preacher of the gospel with a life changing and life impacting ministry. He has been divinely endowed with a unique and powerful gift of ministering the Word of God that captivates listeners' attention.
Pastor-S-B-Dambaza
Pastor-S-B-Dambaza
Pastor-S-B-Dambaza
Pastor-S-B-Dambaza

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