Monday, 23 July 2018

The Lessons That I Have Learned In 30 Years Of Marriage - Pastor Berry Dambaza Speaks (Part 3)

Marriage is built on the foundation of trust. When that trust is enhanced, the result is a strong marriage. However when that trust is eroded or betrayed a marriage is compromised. 

Likewise, ye husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1 Peter 3:7) While this verse is specifically admonishing husbands to dwell with their wives with understanding, it is equally important for wives to dwell with their husbands with understanding as well. We must build trust in each other. 

But whenever that trust is eroded, a withdrawal is done. It can get to a place where the emotional Bank is empty resulting in a failed relationship. Divorce is as a result of an overdrawn emotional Bank account where the misunderstandings get to a level that is destructive. We all know what happens if your cellphone runs out of airtime! 

You get to hear that prerecorded voice telling you that you can not make this call because you have insufficient airtime to do so! Unfortunately at times relationships can get to such levels if we don’t deposit in them but just continuously make withdrawals! Major on making good deposits by acts of kindness and love. Things like adultery, lying etc are mighty withdrawals.

I have below highlighted the six major deposits that build the emotional bank. These are Excerpted from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. I pray that you catch the lessons contained therein!
The Lessons That I Have Learned In 30 Years Of Marriage - Pastor Berry Dambaza Speaks (Part 3)

SIX MAJOR DEPOSITS THAT BUILD THE EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT and HOW TO BUILD TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP:

1. WORK ON UNDERSTANDING THE OTHER PERSON: What is important to the other person must be as important to you as the other person is to you. True understanding of others requires that you listen for understanding not in order to respond.

2. ATTEND TO LITTLE THINGS: Little kindnesses and courtesies as well as little discourtesies and unkindnesses are important. In relationships, the little things are the big things.

3. KEEPING COMMITMENTS: Keeping a commitment or a promise is a major deposit; breaking one is a major withdrawal.
Being unwilling to make any commitments is as much a withdrawal as making them and not keeping them.

4. CLARIFYING EXPECTATIONS: The cause of almost all relationship difficulties is rooted in conflicting or ambiguous expectations around roles and goals. You make deposits when you make expectations clear and explicit in the beginning.

5. SHOWING PERSONAL INTEGRITY: Integrity includes but goes beyond honesty. Honesty is telling the truth — in other words, conforming our words to reality. Integrity is conforming reality to our words — in other words, keeping promises and fulfilling expectations.

6. APOLOGIZING SINCERELY WHEN YOU MAKE A WITHDRAWAL: Sincere apologies make deposits. Repeated apologies interpreted as insincere make withdrawals.

I would like to build upon these concepts from Steve Covey by saying: Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he reap. (Galatians 6:7). 

This verse is often quoted with a negative connotation. However, we need to realize that there is this concrete reality that that we reap what we sow. In simple words- No deposit, no withdrawal!


Yet sometimes when it comes to the emotional Bank, others may not attend to it with the priority it deserves resulting in failed relationships.

Are you overdrawing from your emotional Bank? To build a strong marriage ensure that your emotional bank account is not in the red but sufficiently funded.

To the person who has ears to hear, I say major on making deposits into this emotional bank account instead of continuously making withdrawals without making significant deposits. The strength of a marriage is in direct proportion to the state of the emotional account. Take care of that! And the rest will be alright! 

Mess up with this and you the relationship is subjected to problems it may not be able to withstand!


Berry Dambaza is a dynamic power packed preacher of the gospel with a life changing and life impacting ministry. He has been divinely endowed with a unique and powerful gift of ministering the Word of God that captivates listeners' attention.
Pastor-S-B-Dambaza
Pastor-S-B-Dambaza
Pastor-S-B-Dambaza
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