Friday, 8 December 2017

A Must Read - Dear Husband, This Is Why I Cheated! (Part 1)

Unfaithfulness is a common problem, but people like to think of it as something that men do and women endure. What happens when the tables are turned and it is the women who are cheating? And if they had a chance to explain their motivations to their husbands, what would they say?

Five real Kenyan women, whose names have been changed for the purposes of this story, open up to their husbands and, by extension, to us, in a bid to make us understand why they have done what they did.

Dear Husband, Hope this finds you well. These past three months I have taken time to ponder our situation and I figured that I owe you an explanation.

In the five years we have been married, I have not lacked, so I wouldn’t blame you (for my cheating). It is solely based on our lack of emotional connection which made me feel neglected and unwanted. Dave and I started seeing each other in the third year of our marriage, after we met at the home expo where I had an exhibition stand. It started very innocently, with him wanting to get more information about our company, which led to him getting my cell number. Before long our professional calls and texts turned into lunches and coffee dates.
In deep thought
Dave was emotionally available and fun to be with, which made it easy for me to fall for him. You see, my dear husband, by then I could not remember the last time I had had a good laugh with you or even a deep conversation.

I think our rift started when we started trying for a baby and it was not happening. Our love making turned into a chore and eventually faded away. This made me feel ugly and undesired. Please don’t get me wrong: I’m not justifying my infidelity, I’m merely explaining the frame of mind I was in.
My affair with Dave escalated from a good time fling to a full-fledged relationship; we became friends and shared almost everything. The weekend rendezvous were no longer enough; I started inviting him as I travelled upcountry for work-related market visits. It was easy for Dave because he is romantically unattached. He really welcomed me into his life. I have met his close friends and even have wardrobe space in his house. I’m sorry that you had to find out about my love affair because of the pregnancy; I was not trying to be malicious by telling you that I’m expectant yet we both know we have not had sexual relations in a long while. That’s when I realised how much I had been craving for that baby; I let my excitement take me. It’s too bad that our marriage was put to the test by our childlessness. I know I have caused you much pain but I pray that you forgive me and start working at moving on with your life.

I hope when I see you next month at the attorney’s office you will have had enough time to digest all this and that we will start the divorce process as friends.
Love, Mary.

Dear Husband, I could have sworn on my parents’ lives my love for you on our wedding day. I desperately wanted to prove all the wagging tongues wrong for doubting my love for you. It is true that age is just a number, so the 16-year difference between us meant nothing to me. I was happy to be yours for life.


Our honeymoon was magical. Our spacious, tastefully furnished apartment in the leafy suburbs of Nairobi has the best view in the city. We never had a dull moment; if we were not having dinner in the newest posh restaurant in the city, we were partying in a high-end bar. I loved the spa days, weekend getaways and holiday trips. The best you ever did, was when you bought me a Prado for our one-year wedding anniversary.

You treated me like a queen. And I loved every minute of it.

When the authorities seized your assets and froze your accounts for tax evasion, my life was shattered. I had to dig into my savings to make ends meet. Your sulking and anger out bursts did very little to help. For months I waited for your troubles to end. The court case dragged on.
The lawyer had to be paid. You turned to drinking.

I am a beautiful woman, and you have always been wary of the attention that I get. However your increased insecurity and possessiveness stifled me. I couldn’t meet my friends in peace and my every movement was monitored.

The whole situation made it easier for me to draw further away from you, since I was already falling out of love. I couldn’t stand the poverty anymore. I wanted to drive my Prado without worrying about fuel, enjoy fancy restaurant, splurge on shopping.

When I was offered a much-needed vacation by Jim, whom we met through friends, I couldn’t turn it down. That’s when I lied to you that I joined a women’s business association which was taking us to various countries for benchmarking.

It is unfortunate that you have lost all your money. But when you lost your wealth, your appeal went along with it. Please stop trying to win me back. I don’t love you anymore.
Fay.

Dear Husband, 
You cheated on me so many times. Now you know how it feels. I bet you thought that when I aired my concerns and you gave me one of your many sweet talks, I got over it. I was happy to remain ignorant and accept your presents as you tried to hide your guilt, but when you started sneaking into the neighbour’s house, I knew I wasn’t going to remain your doormat anymore. I started plotting my revenge.

I am grateful for social media. I started responding to all the guys who inboxed me, both strangers and familiar faces. At first I did it to appease myself. After a while I got bored and downloaded a free dating application to increase my possibility of meeting the perfect candidate to use in my ploy to hurt you.

What happens when the tables are turned and it is the women who are cheating?

That is how I met Michael, a sweet Danish man who soothed my anguish and bitterness. It turned into a love affair.

It all come full circle when I told you that I am leaving you for another man. I can still see the look on your face in my head. I know how your thick eyebrows twitch when you are angry and I could see you struggling to contain your emotions. But your anger broke loose; profanities poured out of your mouth.

When I held my ground, your anger turned into pleas. You begged me not to leave you. I wrestled with my decision, because I did not want to sell my love story with Michael short. I don’t want my story to be about stooping to your level. As I write this letter, two things are clear; I have had my closure and my heart is in better hands.
Rose.

Please Check part 2 for continuation | By Frida Mwela

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